Galbadian Idol
by Elizabeth Parkside
Summary: Everyone knows American Idol...the tv show? Well, this is mainly the same idea. Only this features your favorite FFVIII characters, as well as some special guests. Very special. More special than cheese...And we all know how special cheese is. Insanely po


~*~ Author's Note: Wow…Finally, another fic! This is, I am proud to announce, my first ever-so-brilliant idea! I thought of it in the shower…funny, the ideas that pop into my head in that shower. Anyway, this idea has been graciously planned out by my partner in crime, Jess…And my brother, again, needs to be given thanks for his odd forms of support. Strange boy, that one. Anyway, thanks for your past reviews…And those who, for whatever reason, did not enjoy our past fics, may kiss my big toe. Kiss it! Muh ha! Anyway…Yeah…Please enjoy this bit of bored insanity. ~*~

~*~ Disclaimer: Yeah…So, we don't own FFVIII. We don't own American Idol, which the contest will be based off of. We don't own any characters or real-live people that may worm their insane way into our fic. …Let's face it, we don't own anything. Except for AD Sarah and Dir. Jess…We own their pathetic little souls. Steve…well…He's Jess's boyfriend…so…He belongs to her…In more ways than one. And as for Caleb, AD Sarah's brother…Well…Who'd want to own him? ~*~

Galbadian Idol- The Idea! 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

BACKSTAGE

Director Jess is sitting, scowling at the glossy top of the round table in the council room of the studio. Assistant Director Sarah is sitting next to her, happily snipping out pictures from a magazine and pasting them into a scrapbook in no particular order. Irvine, Zell, Squall, Rinoa, Selphie, Quistis, Fujin, Seifer, and Raijin were seated around the table respectively. 

Dir. Jess: This isn't working…::grumbles:: We need new ideas…We need something fresh…Spunky…Fun! But you raving numbskulls wouldn't have any ideas, hmm? ::sweet smile:: 

AD Sarah: ::has paused to grin at a page of the magazine with rapt interest.::

Dir. Jess: This is horrible…You've failed at commercials…movies…And I'd hate to think what else. There must be something new! This is NOT good…Sarah, are you even listening?

Irvine: ::leans over to see what AD Sarah's studying so intently.:: Hey, this is that new show…American Idol…I saw it on satellite the other day. We don't have nothin' like that 'round here.

AD Sarah: ::hums the theme tune to American Idol, then cuts out the word "Idol" from the magazine, pasting it next to the word "Galbadian" in her scrapbook.::

Dir. Jess: ::looks from one word to the other, wheels a-turning in her head.:: Galbadian…Idol…yes…THAT'S IT!

AD Sarah: ::peers at Dir. Jess blankly.:: …What's it?

Dir. Jess: The new idea! Galbadian Idol! I like it! We'll go around this puny god-forsaken world, and see what useless talent we can drum up! 

Rinoa: Our world is NOT puny! Meanie! And it's NOT god-forsaken, either!

Dir. Jess: Sarah, take a note. Rinoa's paycheck shall be reduced by 10% on charges of putting down the ideas of one so terribly superior.

AD Sarah: ::scribbles down the note under the words "Galbadian Idol" in her scrapbook.::

Zell: We need judges! We need someone who's utterly mean and bossy like that Simon dude… 

Everyone looks at Jess.

Dir. Jess: Oh, c'mon! I'm not THAT mean…I'm just exuberant! But I'll take the job, as someone needs to watch you numbskulls.

Irvine: And we need a slightly air-headed, but painfully nice individual like Paula Abdul…

Everyone peers at AD Sarah, who looks around with a flustered expression.

AD Sarah: Why's everyone lookin' at me? Do I have a flaming diseased cow on my head? ::sobs.::

Dir. Jess: No, no, you fool…we want you to be our judge…For God knows what reason…

AD Sarah: ::looks suspicious.:: What's in it for me?

Dir. Jess: You…get…a microphone!

AD Sarah: WOO! MICROPHONE! ::throws her scrapbook in the air excitedly, hitting an unsuspecting Zell in the head.::

Zell: OWWIES! 

Squall: …Now…we still need…someone who's just…there…and…slightly subservient…with a LOT of patience…

Just then, the Cameraman walks by the open door to the conference room.

Dir. Jess: YOU THERE! ANONYMOUS CAMERA-HOLDING FELLOW! 

The Cameraman jumps about a foot high and cowers, huddling against the wall.

Cameraman: I didn't do it! It wasn't me! You have no proof!

Dir. Jess: No, no, no! I'm not going to pummel you! I'd only like to ask if you want an extra job…you'll get 10% of Rinoa's paycheck if you do!

Rinoa: HEY! That's MY money! I need it to buy…STUFF!

Squall muffles his snickers in his sleeve.

Dir. Jess: THAT'S IT! That's another 10%, Rinoa! 

Rinoa: All right, all right! I'll be a good girl.

Dir. Jess: You'd better.

Quistis: ::raises a hand meekly.:: Um…Excuse me…Miss Director? What type of songs will they be singing?

Dir. Jess: An excellent question! Sarah?

AD Sarah: ::ponders this for a moment.:: ..Hmm…Lots of songs! 

Dir. Jess: ::stares witheringly at her.:: I…gathered that…Themes! Themes, girl! Try to use your mind! Just try!

AD Sarah: …Thinking hurts my mind. ::thinks really hard, turning a bit red in the face.:: Aha! Eureka! Lots of themes!

Dir. Jess: ::bangs her head off the tabletop.:: Why do I even bother? Why?! 

AD Sarah: 'Cause you love me…

Dir. Jess: …Must…leave…room…Going to murder idiot…Irvine! Aid me in leaving the room!

Irvine: …Ma'am? Wouldn't your fiancé have something to say about that?

Dir. Jess: Sucks to my fiancé! 

Steve, tied up in the closet, hangs his head sadly.

Irvine: Yes'm… ::holds out his arm for Jess to take, then starts escorting her from the room.::

AD Sarah: ::blinks as if realizing something, then jumps from her seat in a flying tackle to bowl Dir. Jess over just outside the door.:: BAD! EVIL LADY! STEALING SARAH'S COWBOY!

Dir. Jess: Off! GET OFF ME, YOU GIANT BUFFOON!

Just then, Fiancé Steve breaks out of the closet, having chewed through his ropes and stomps up to Irvine.

F. Steve: YOU! ::points at Irvine.:: EVIL, EVIL PERSON! BAD! BAD COWBOY! Trying to steal my fiancée! 

Irvine: ::harrumphs:: I am NOT! You, sir, are a… ::checks his thesaurus.:: …great buffoon also!

F. Steve: ::gaspeth.:: How dare you?! 

Irvine: I dare, oh, how I do dare! Wanna fight? Huh? Bring it on, monkey boy! ::tackles him into the wall::

F. Steve: ::steals Irvine's hat and starts cutting it apart with the pair of scissors that Sarah had discarded.::

Irvine: YOU FIEND! YOU'RE GOIN' DOWN! ::starts throttling him, and kicking him in the shins at the same time.:: 

Zell: Please, people! Let's calm down!

Selphie: LIAR! ::tackles him out of nowhere and starts beating him off the head with an empty coffee mug.::

Seifer, Raijin, and Fujin look at eachother and shrug, and then start beating on eachother with staplers, scrapbooks, and a rolled-up naughty magazine.

Now, of all times, Sarah's brother, Caleb wanders aimlessly in, waving a cup of magic Kool Aid.

Caleb: ::stares at the piles of fighting people, and the Cameraman filming it all.:: Woah… ::big grin:: 

The Cameraman films him, too.

Caleb: …Did I miss wrestling day at the studio? 

Cameraman: Apparently…gunna send this in to Galbadia's Funniest Home Videos. 

~*~*~*~

And this was how it all began…A project of great insanity…But one of great bravery…Let's face it, not many people would try something this big with a crew such as this!

Hope you enjoyed…another chapter coming soon!


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